The real world isn’t a movie, Beautiful Woman- 50 Shades of Gray- Jasmine and Aladdin or even Sex and the City where Miranda married down.
I’m famous dating outside my class. I’m wealthy, was born into an upscale family and educated so it’s difficult for me to find a suitable guy within my class- I’m not saying there isn’t any- I only haven’t had a liking to them yet. I invariably saw rich men as players but now that I had the taste of even poor men being players I’m like what’s the use? Just stay in your own world!
Money isn’t everything. Nor do I believe education builds a person. I know people who don’t have either and are great individuals, but dating outside your class is extremely complicated.
Like the first time I went shopping with a man, I saw he was searching for the cheapest products and he’d be so delighted if something was on sale and I just pick products I want and dump it in the cart. Again that’s not a bad thing, I was like okay cool- we’ll save money.
Or another guy when we were planning a vacation, and he picked the worst motels that even a crackhead wouldn’t go! No way!
What if you want to go to a fancy restaurant and he can barely pay for a burger in McDonald’s?
Sure, some say it’s the little stuff that counts. I agree, I can sit at home watching whatever’s on TV eating crackers and dip, but I’ll be living a lie if it’s every day. If a partner doesn’t have potential to grow and make money, then he isn’t for me.
I tell my partners first hand I’m not paying a penny, I’m Persian and I was raised in a family that men pay, where men are still men! Sure I’ll help and chip in, but that’s about it. If you’re in a relationship and you’re happy that everything is 50/50 well great for you! If you’re a woman and paying for a man that doesn’t work- please kick him out!
When I dated lower class, I gradually started seeing lowering myself down. Ok, I won’t wear a thousand dollar outfit, I’ll just wear a normal top and jeans, or when you walk into a place where it’s high luxury with a redneck in hand, it’s hard! People judge, once again you tell yourself F it! Love is blind. In the long run you can’t. It won’t work out if they are happy where they are and don’t want to grow or worse they want to, but can’t.
The other way round must be tedious as well. I can’t imagine going somewhere with a wealthy person and being looked down upon, perhaps it’s more common with men dating lower class females, but it still must be harder nowadays.
I don’t want to come out as a materialistic snob or gold-digger, because I’m neither. I have my own values and should stick to it. Will I date outside my class again? Probably yes! I only want an honest, faithful man and if he has the potential to grow fast, why not? But is it wise? Probably not!
The purely wise thing to do is don’t lower yourself down to someone else’s grade. In the end you’ll be called spoiled which if that person was in your class they’d know it’s not being spoiled it’s having advantages which the other person never had.
There are so many gold diggers out there that I see as sickening also. Why sell your body and soul for a place you’ll never really belong in the first place?
So how could this be? It’s because class isn’t only about what you have. It’s also about how the amount of money and material things we used to have shaped the type of people we become.
People who grew up without money tend to live by what the day gives them, fix everything themselves because they can’t afford a plumber, they go with the flow because they might not have money the next day, they can’t afford to invest so they make the most out of it the days they do.
People who grew up with parents who had more money, job security, and power grow up with more stable lives. In these circumstances, they learn that managing their resources makes sense, both because their lives are predictable enough that they can plan and because their incomes are plentiful enough that they can make meaningful choices.
Most couples find ways to work out these differences, and their lives are much more prosaic than the world would exaggerate. But despite years of relationships or marriage, two usually did not become one; relationships did not magically transform the less privileged partner into an individual who easily fit into their new class.
As an outcome, some people who “married up” felt continually uncomfortable in their new class, though people who “married down” tended to feel more at ease around their in-laws. Despite the endless negotiations that living in a cross-class relationship/ marriage requires, love can cross class lines and couples can live a real-life version of happily-ever-after. Many couples have been together over half of their lives, and all signs show they would be together for many years to come.
Love is beautiful when it’s real, therefore if you ever date out of your class, be realistic. It’s all about learning and growing together, but for now I rather date someone who is like myself. Ready to eat pizza and stay home and can go on an expensive holiday the next day.
Not having the same religion, taste in music or movies, even political views won’t interfere with your relationships as much as class will, so always be prepared. Respect yourself and know what you want. Don’t degrade yourself, and be open minded, yet wise.
People from different social classes may have trouble understanding the way other classes operate. The “New York Times” article “When Richer Weds Poorer, Money Isn’t the Only Difference” describes a couple in which the lower-class husband did not fit in with people from his wealthy wife’s social class, because he was a straight shooter and she and her friends talked around issues. People from different social classes have different ways of acting – similar to a culture – that can take time to understand.
If your boyfriend has enough family money to buy designer clothing, drive his own sports car and apply to dozens of colleges, while you are flipping burgers at the local hamburger joint to scrape together enough money to attend the local community college, you may have trouble seeing eye to eye. You also might have issues when it comes to doing things together since his tastes might outweigh what you can afford.
If your girlfriend is wealthy, and you come from a family with less money, you might feel as though there is a power imbalance in the relationship. Often the person with more money ends up making most of the decisions because she may be the one paying for things most of the time. Although this is not a deal-breaker, it can take time to get comfortable with the idea that there is a natural imbalance of power in the relationship that will be hard to change.
Sometimes the problem with dating outside your social class has nothing to do with the actual relationship. Instead, you might face harsh criticism from friends and family who believe that the two of you are a bad match. If you find yourself in this situation, it is important to remember that you are the one in the relationship, not the other people. Although it might take extra work to be in a partnership that is outside your comfort zone, as discussed in the Psychology Today article “How to Date Outside Your Comfort Zone,” that doesn’t mean that the two of you can’t make it work.
All in all it’s all up to you. You have to be happy, that’s all that matters!